Friday 7 December 2012
Other Worlds
I believe in alternate realities. Not all the time, only for things that are important or significant, things which are immediate and catastrophic. Recently I've had flashes of my own death or injury. I've had these before, y'know like when you're walking down the stairs and you imagine yourself tripping over your own feet and tumbling downward and them you shudder move on. I don't know what it is, maybe I'm just paranoid, but I've been constantly getting these flashes of alternate reality, where I could be right now if one thing happened differently.
The first was a day or two ago when I was standing on top of my computer chair, and suddenly I had a flash of myself falling and cracking my head off my desk. Safe to say I finished what I was and got down as quickly as I could. They've been coming more frequently since then, even just when I'm walking I'll picture myself tripping or things falling on me, even when as I sit at me desk right now I got a vision of myself getting up then my foot getting caught and me crashing into the corner of my desk. Not a nice thought when you've put a sign on your door saying "Do Not Disturb".
My theory is that's it's the kind of "once you see it you see it all the time" deal, kinda like when someone says something like "if you don't lock your door bad spirits can get in" and you know it's not true but you can't think otherwise after they've told you and lock your door all the time.
The likelihood of alternate reality just seems too impossible to ignore sometimes.
Saturday 10 November 2012
Lump
I think I've found my window,
It's on the top floor, nice view.
One hundered and ten metres,
A pretty long way to fall.
I'll fit, it's just big enough,
Though I don't want to test it.
I like the option being there,
The fact I can choose to leap,
Not be ungraciously flung.
Not any more though, I think.
This lump feels a bit too real,
And my neck hurts. My head too.
And I don't know what to do.
Carry on? Or to the doctor,
That's the logical option,
The right one. And I know that,
But I'm scared, and I need help.
Wednesday 31 October 2012
The Unfillable Glass
Every now and then I look again at what I want. It isn't too frequent, often it comes when my body is tired but my mind is not and I scroll through everything I have and everything I want, see what matches, find the gaps or illogicalities and see if there is a way around them.
Oftentimes I find that my life is more or less on point to how I feel it should be though strangely what I think it should be changed so often that I am bewildered how I so unconsciously keep up with myself.
But now a new, discouraging realization has brought itself before me and what is seen cannot be unseen in this case. I know sometimes that what I want is to be "one of the good guys", one of the people who fall in love and are fallen in love with. This is see as true forever in my mind so long as I think about it. But I know that if I achieve nothing but that in my life I will be plagued by regret. And so I strive for more, to be known to contribute something to people's lives, those I don't know, in a way which will exist long after I do. This is possible I think, but simultaneously I see that it is impossible to satisfy everyone for we are not all of the same nature and disposition, and short of having a personal impact on each and every person I effect I doubt I will ever be able to convince everyone of the same thing.
They say a "boo" is louder than a cheer and this is sad to think but also true. I hope never to acquire any "boo"s but I fear this is impossible, for if nobody else does, I myself will.
Wednesday 24 October 2012
I Love
It is prudent to never trust the things,
Who deceived us once before,
To run a mile the other way,
Keeping eyes down to the floor.
But at some point we must look up
And see the post ahead,
A sign which reads this one is good,
And will be never fully bled.
I trust my instincts to inform
That I am done for good,
But not this time, I'll love again,
A girl who makes me feel like I should,
What I ought to have in life,
A comrade there forever,
Someone I love, or maybe will,
The one to whom I thether.
I know not that I love her yet,
Only that I might,
I do know that I think of her a lot,
Even when she's out of sight,
And someday soon I think I'll know,
If what I feel is love,
It's what I want for evermore,
My being alone's enough.
Saturday 13 October 2012
Found
I could walk along these tracks tonight,
Never look back,
Never look back,
Walk off the edge of the world tonight,
Gotta know that,
Gotta know that,
If I ever reach the end tonight,
You will find me,
You will find me,
D
on't forget me,
T
onight.
Sunday 7 October 2012
What do I do now?
I think that I might love her,
But I might love him too,
And maybe I love neither,
Because love is so untrue.
In my humble little life,
I've never been convinced,
That people's love is based on fact,
Or that it even exists.
I know I know so little,
I'm so young after all,
But love it seems so... Pointless?
Is it really worth the fall?
At first it feels like magic,
But it just won't linger on,
It won't be there forever,
Before it's felt, it's gone.
I don't know what I'm feeling,
Love feels too extreme,
And I want to shag her neighbor,
Cos he is just so reem.
Saturday 15 September 2012
When Will We Meet Again?
We danced the dance we learned from kings,
We played the songs we used to sing,
And at the end,
We turned the bend,
When will we meet again?
We drank the drinks brewed by the gods
We won the fight against all odds,
Our message sent,
And off we went,
When will we meet again?
We trusted those who gave us both their hands,
Then run together across these lands,
No whys or hows,
Just here for now
When will we meet again?
We came to the crossroads,
And then found that we didn't know,
How the hell we'd make it on our own.
Saturday 1 September 2012
Generations
First there came good Adam, eater of the fruit
Then came Abel: brother to Cain, the fratricidal brute.
Later came that baby, whose dad was all of ours,
He saved us from our sinning with his sacrificial powers.
Romans, Vikings, Greeks and Celts, all along the line,
But here we jump much further, to this present time.
I sit here with two others, two fathers and two sons,
And barely word is spoken, no wool to be spun.
Is it so strange to see a trio so lost for babble?
We three who share the very genes of man who ate the apple.
Perhaps the gap is just too big, the years too out of touch,
It just no longer matters, well, not so very much.
Friday 31 August 2012
Flat lens
Somebody's clearly been taking their handsome pills. What's your name? That's so weird, mine is too!
Where are you from, I feel like I've seen you somewhere before? No way!
Wait, wait, where did you go to school? That's funny, I don't remember you, when did you graduate?
Ok, this has got to be bullshit, are you sure? I think I would remember you.
Do you remember me?
I'm pretty sure you weren't in that class, there was only six of us.
You're starting to freak me out, is this some kind of joke? Who put you up to this?
Ok, I'm leaving, you're fucked up.
Don't fucking follow me, I'm serious.
How did you get there?
Stop it, this is freaking scary.
Fucking hell, fucking hell, get the fuck away from me - help!
Dude, you've gotta help me, this crazy guy is following- where'd you go? I swear he was right there. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
No I'm not fucking alright!
No I swear, there was a guy, he was following me, would you mind id I stayed with you a while in case he comes back?
Crass tears of a teenage girl
You see these tears which wet my cheeks?
Well I blame them on you
We circled each other, over and over
And never made a move.
Then you pushed me over and killed me,
Severed my desperate hope,
Drew pain from me I thought impossible
Given the circumstances.
I was winning, the battle with myself,
I had the demon on his knees,
Drew my sword,
But I left myself exposed to your attacks.
How can I win when the road turns the wrong way?
Maybe I missed the turn off,
Missed it a long time ago,
Relied on the roundabouts which were never built.
And now I'm here and happy.
You just showed me there was no choice,
To keep ploughing on.
And the love I had still hurts.
I did, you know, for a second there.
Then you ran, set me free,
I'm where is best,
And it still hurts.
What I'm saying is I can't get over it,
It doesn't make sense,
But I can't,
I don't know that I ever will.
And I thank you for that.